What did the mother cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.
All the farmer’s cows stopped producing milk… It was udder chaos.
What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow? A steak out.
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter? A cow pi.
What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school? Bison!
Why did the two cows hate each other? They had beef.
What do you call a fight between two herds of cows? A cattle battle.
How do evil cows laugh? Moo-haha.
Why did the Secret Service surround the president with dozens of cows? They were trying to beef up security.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What did the cow say to its therapist? “I feel seen but not herd.”
What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.
What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier? Cowboom.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle? It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What does a cow watch? MooTube.
Why did the cow get a massage? To re-hoove-inate.
What does the cow do when she’s got leverage? Milks it for all it’s worth.
Why do cows read magazines? They love the cattle-logs.
Knock, knock — Who’s there? Cow says. — Cow says who? Cow say MOOOOOOOO.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? They lactose.
What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper? The Daily Moos.
How can you tell if a cow is exceptional? It’s outstanding in its field.
Why was the farmer mad at his cow? The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
Where do cows get their medicine? The farmacy.
How do you get a cow to keep quiet? Press the moote button.
Why was the cow so afraid of messing up? Because the steaks were high.
What’s a cow’s best subject in school? Cow-culus.
What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? A baaaaaaad mooooood.
Why was the cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
Why don’t bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-nated.
Did you hear about the genetically engineered milk cow with no teats? It was udderly pointless.
How do farmers count their cows? They use a cowculator.
What do you call a sad cow? Moo—dy.
Where do cows eat lunch? In the calfeteria.
What do you call a feminine cow? A dairy queen.
What happens when a cow laughs? Milk comes out of its nose.
What do cows eat for breakfast? Moosli.
What do you call a cow who’s forgotten how to make milk? Udder-ly confused.
Why do cows go to New York? To see the moosicals.
What do you call the cow who won the lottery? A cash cow.
Where do cows go on holiday? Moo Zealand.
What do you call a redneck motorcycle? Cow-a-sock-ee.
How does a cow become invisible? By using camooflage.
Cow telling her family history: My grandfather was a knight — he was Sir Loin.
Where do cow farts come from? Their dairy air.
What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf? I am not amoosed by you.
Why did the cow get a ticket? Because of a mooing violation.
What do you call cattle that tell jokes? Laughing stock.
What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow? Milk of amnesia.
What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
What do they play at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
What do you call a cow who does magic? Moo-dini.
What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake!
What do you call a funny cow? A cowmedian.
What do you call a cow that can part water? Moo-ses.
How did the cow get to Mars? It flew through udder space.
Why couldn’t the cow gain weight? She was more of a grazer.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat? A coat.
What do you get from a dwarf cow? Condensed milk.
What do you call a strong cow? Beefy.
What do you call a cow eating grass? A lawn moo-er.
Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
Why couldn’t the cow learn? Everything went in one ear and out the udder.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Déjà moo is the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk? A milk dud.
Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings? Their skin’s as thick as leather.
What do you call a cow with no spots? A Moo-tant.
What are cows’ knees called? Burger joints.
